How’s the adjusting going?

“So are you adjusted yet?”

I laugh at the now familiar question. I shake my head and say, “No.”

I love this part of being back!

“How’s the adjusting going?”

I frown and shrug. “I don’t know how to answer that question,” I tell them with a laugh. “I have no idea how I’m adjusting.”

How am I adjusting? Am I even adjusting? I know a few of my ‘Khmer’ ways of thinking and doing things have lessened, or stopped. I’m no longer wearing boots and coats everywhere I go. I’ve learned that it’s ok to be slightly chilly.

I do know that my driving has adjusted back somewhat. My first weekend home I horrified my little sister driving through Portland traffic. It began when I merged, slowly, before she thought I should’ve. “You can’t do that!” she cried as I eased my way in front of a car.

“Why not?” I asked surprised. “There’s room and we’re creeping along.”

A little later she gasped as I changed lanes. “Seriously Jeana! Relax!” I told her. “We had plenty of room. I’m more used to traffic than you.”  I did panic a little when I forgot a few minor rules (“Can I do a U-turn if there’s no sign prohibiting it? Quick! I need to know!”) but for the most part, I think things went surprisingly well.

How I missed wild flowers in Cambodia

The other evening I was driving home. I needed to turn left off the main road onto our back road. A car, turning left, sat in the middle of the wide road. There was room on both sides of the car, so I turned before it. While cruising down the hill I realized that was a totally Khmer move to make. I think my driving has mostly returned to my pre-Cambodian skills, but once in a while I’ll surprise myself.

Another issue that is taking time in ‘adjusting’ is the cost of everything. I run the cash register at a bakery. My first day there I kept wanting to apologize to people for how much their purchases ran up to. I still inwardly cringe at people paying so much for a donut (we’re not over-priced; it’s just so different from Cambodia). But these people not only spend the money once, but return repeatedly to spend it again and again.

Another quirk that is not even close to adjusting is how I hand money back to customers. In Cambodia you hand money with both hands. I find myself repeatedly leaning way over so I can use both hands to place a customer’s money in their hands. I know it’s not considered impolite in America to hand money with one hand… but I just can hardly bring myself to do it.

My church in Siem Reap. Just the right size.

But how am I adjusting in other matters? How am I fitting back into the church? The answer is simple… I’m not. I went to our local church once and was so incredibly overwhelmed at the amount of people, that I fled as soon as possible. I know it sounds funny, but I didn’t realize I knew so many people in one place! I’ve had many excuses to go visit my brother an hour away over the weekends. His church is more my size.

Of course I miss Cambodia. I miss the people, culture, food, and yes I even miss the language. I came back expecting I’d be coming ‘home’. That was a mistake. ‘Home’ is where you belong. I belong here just as much as I did in Siem Reap. I’m no closer to home here than I was thousands of miles away.